Paranoid

Beckoning me, telling me to come over, we need everybody

They say.To the project, the dinner, the cafe

I won't come.

I am safe as long as I am indoors...no not at your house my

House where I can hide. Hide from what you ask? 

From everything that cuts and pricks and watches and 

I know they talk

Talk about me.

Suspicion dark, sticky like syrup drips

It's bitterness into my mind

I cannot help but think, you are fantacizing as

Men often do about 

Thighs, soft...inviting....

Beautiful shapes like a thousand hourglasses pass

Right by me...I am older, rounded, tired

Scared by my disintegration.

Love me, yes, I like that sound-

Like many clinking wine glasses in 'cheers' you show

Me security. You can be trusted you say but

Here, where I dwell amid ruinous heaps

Of photos, nic-nacs and dust

Trust has long vaporized.

I forget now....how did that occur?

You hold me tight and try to reassure me

Yet you don't know what it is like

This wave upon wave 

Of spirit-killing doubt.I have lived so long with it

Holds me together like some cracked

Over-glued puppet.

One word, one doubt that is all it takes.

What are you looking at? Why did you scroll and stop there?

What are you thinking? I am often fraught with

Worry about these slow-boiling obsessions of mine.

Why I have no real 'lady' friends

Because the feelings haunt me and as long as I 

Sit right here

Quietly watching I will survive this too.