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Saturday, November 9, 2013

Paranoid



Beckoning me, telling me to come over, we need everybody
They say.To the project, the dinner, the cafe
I won't come.
I am safe as long as I am indoors...no not at your house my
House where I can hide. Hide from what you ask? 
From everything that cuts and pricks and watches and 
I know they talk
Talk about me.

Suspicion dark, sticky like syrup drips
It's bitterness into my mind
I cannot help but think, you are fantacizing as
Men often do about 
Thighs, soft...inviting....
Beautiful shapes like a thousand hourglasses pass
Right by me...I am older, rounded, tired
Scared by my disintegration.

Love me, yes, I like that sound-
Like many clinking wine glasses in 'cheers' you show
Me security. You can be trusted you say but
Here, where I dwell amid ruinous heaps
Of photos, nic-nacs and dust
Trust has long vaporized.
I forget now....how did that occur?

You hold me tight and try to reassure me
Yet you don't know what it is like
This wave upon wave 
Of spirit-killing doubt.I have lived so long with it
Holds me together like some cracked
Over-glued puppet.
One word, one doubt that is all it takes.

What are you looking at? Why did you scroll and stop there?
What are you thinking? I am often fraught with
Worry about these slow-boiling obsessions of mine.
Why I have no real 'lady' friends
Because the feelings haunt me and as long as I 
Sit right here
Quietly watching I will survive this too.
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