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Sunday, September 15, 2013

Damned If I Do and Damned If I Don't

The feelings of threat arise within me quite easily. It is my own insecurity I suppose but no matter how hard I try to push things out of my mind, they come back to haunt me.
I know that there are certain triggers in my life that, when they come, cause me a lot of distress.
I try to 'deal' with it yet, I am not always successful.

I decided several weeks ago to cut out my Klonipin in order to 'feel' again. I felt extremely drowsy most of the time and I had a hard time keeping up with schoolwork. I blamed the drug. Although it was a minute dose and helped me to sleep through the night, I felt like it was time to deal with anxiety on my own.

Since coming off of Klonipin, anxiety has been worse. I take many deep breaths, my hands shake and my chest occasionally hurts. I am determined, however, to face my 'demons' and try to drive them out. I'll give it a couple of weeks and see if I get any better.

My better half says, "Take a chill pill" ...He remembers me before the Zoloft, before the Klonipin. I would like to enjoy the ride, at least some of it, without the med haze....feeling more energetic yet never able to just 'chill' is tough to learn. Dear Lord, I am trying!


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